Henry turns six in September. It’s not even comprehendible to me that this child I carried for nine months, gave birth to and kept alive for the past years is turning six in a matter of months. I can remember those sleepless nights, the breastfeeding, each and every single milestone. I miss him being a baby – although I do remember at the time it was a worry.
Pre – Baby Worries
Before I had Henry, I had never held a new-born baby. Of course, I had experience with babies in general but by that stage they were usually months old and well past that fragile stage that a brand-new baby is at. I grew up in a small family as an only child so had no experience of younger siblings. I had planned to attend antenatal classes to at least help prepare me for the world of Motherhood. However, my employer was difficult to say the least and as I worked shifts it was difficult to negotiate the time off for the classes. Looking back now I realise I was young with no confidence and no real understanding of where I stood legally so I accepted that this was the way things were.
Naively at the time I remember thinking: ‘How hard can this be?’ I’d watched enough episodes of One Born Every Minute I could give birth without worry, right? The birth wasn’t the hard part though and I remember those first days of parenthood were terrifying.
Post Birth Worries
I always say that it felt like I was doing something illegal when I was left with Henry alone. Leaving a new-born baby with an unqualified, non-experienced woman who hasn’t slept for days seemed like the most ludicrous thing I had ever heard!
After a few days of being at home you get used to things and soon establish a routine but I often questioned everything I did. I remember once I fed him a bottle of formula and he felt really heavy when I put him down to sleep. Normally he was solely breastfed and I was convinced I had done something wrong and I spent hours googling and when I eventually spoke to the midwife centre she chuckled like I was losing the plot! Perhaps I was!! It’s just this new-born baby is the most precious cargo you will ever have possession of and you are solely responsible for its care and that’s a huge responsibility and worry – one I wasn’t sure I was ready for!
The Worry Never Ends
Once we established our routine I thought that the fear would subside but it never did. I was terrified he would suddenly stop breathing or something would happen to him. Even now at almost six I worry about him. I’ve come to realise that is part of being a parent – worrying. I worry regularly ‘Is he having a good day at school?’ ‘Is that cough lasting longer than it should?’ I guess my point is that no matter how prepared you are for parenthood or how experienced you become you will still worry about your children.
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Mo
re From Me
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I feel you Shophie! I guess, as parents, we never stop worrying about our children. From the day you find out you’re pregnant to the day your kid graduates from high school, you never stop worrying about them. It’s only possible to “let it go” to a certain extent.