As always, I hope you are all safe and well in these challenging times. Over the past few months, I haven’t written much, and it’s primarily due to not having the words for what I want to say. I want to keep things positive and upbeat, but of course, that isn’t easy when you are in testing times. I also think it is essential to keep the balance and show the reality; after all, no one wants a horror story read allowed in a sing-song voice!! So that is where I struggle -balance. Keeping an air of positivity while remaining real and authentic. I have wanted to share with you the journey we have been on finding a new normal but everything I have written up until this point has seemed like a complete robotic whitewash.
A Dream, A Nightmare or Just a Bad Season of Black Mirror
As everything began to unfold, it felt like I was in some weird hallucinogenic dream. The past few months have been extremely difficult as they have for so many of us. It’s the worry, anxiety and not knowing that keeps me up at night. I am a planner, and I always believe knowledge is power. If I know what the future will look like, I can adjust accordingly, and I feel so much more at ease. That’s is all well and good, but during a pandemic of epic proportion it’s about rolling with it – something I have never been good at.
Finding Our New Normal
I wasn’t surprised when I received a letter stating that I was in the shielding category, and I needed to stay at home indefinitely. I take immunosuppressing drugs for my Psoriatic Arthritis, so it makes sense. We decided that as a family, the safest solution for us was to shield together. If household members leave the home, then it’s important to maintain a 2m distance from them within the house – which isn’t entirely practical with a two-year-old!
It has been hard. Three months of looking at the same walls with a view only as far as my window can see. I’ve seen changes in both of my children who like every child up and down the country have had their entire world ripped from underneath them. Hugo is such a social being, and he loves the interaction of other people. Having this stop suddenly has to be confusing, and because he is so young, there is no way to explain it to him.
I’ve argued more in the past three months than I have in the past three decades. With myself, my husband, my kids and even bloody strangers on the internet! For a long time, it felt as though everything was different, but as time has passed, we have found a new normal. I never thought I would say that.
Finding our new normal amongst the chaos has helped. I’m trying not to dwell on the past or look too far into the future, and instead, I am trying to remain present and in the moment. Henry has coped well. He is nine this year, and he will try and weasel out of schoolwork in favour of computer games but his resilience has been incredible. He is also an outstanding help with Hugo, which has made balancing everything much easier.
So, What’s Next?
Finding our new normal was something I resisted at first. I didn’t want a ‘new normal’ I quite liked my “old normal.” I’m never one for embracing change either, but I am learning to adapt. I won’t lie and say that I wish I still had a crystal ball that told me what we should expect next. Finding our new normal has helped in many ways, but I still have some fear and anxiety over the future. However, I am surrounded by my favourite people (& pets) – we are safe, we are happy, and we will tackle whatever obstacles come our way together.
I plan on returning to writing here on the blog, and I hope to be able to get some regular content out again. I hope that whatever hurdles you are faced with you are in turn finding your own new normal and that life feels in some ways better than it did in the darkest moments.
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Love as always!
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